Jennifer (
theunluckygirl) wrote2014-12-15 05:09 pm
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[it's an automated voice recording.]
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. [A hesitant British voice picks up here] Jennifer? is not available. At the tone please record your message. When you have finished recording you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. [A hesitant British voice picks up here] Jennifer? is not available. At the tone please record your message. When you have finished recording you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
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Nothing in particular!! I was just curious.
But say it was like... someone really, really close to you. What would you do?
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If they're really close to me then... I'd probably believe them and see how I felt in return. It'd be difficult to have an exclusive relationship here, but not impossible. And I might have to ask them just what they mean by love.
Do they love me like a friend, or more than that? What do they expect from this? That sort of thing. If I'm comfortable with them fulfilling their quota with other people. That sort of thing.
I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not the greatest person to ask about this. I haven't had very good experiences with this sort of thing so my advice might not be very helpful.
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I definitely believe them [ but Ann, I thought this wasn't about anything in particular? ] and I don't think they'd just say it to say it. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't say THAT if it was just a friendly thing. I mean, especially if you already know you care about each other, right? There's no point in saying 'I love you' like that unless it's more?
The part I'm having trouble with is me, I guess. Figuring out how I feel.
How I WOULD feel, I mean. If that happened.
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I mean, that it's okay to not know how you feel. It can be scary, right? But I'm sure he's a little scared too. But if he cares for you as much as he says--and feels--then I'm sure he'd be willing to wait for you to come to a decision.
And I don't think you have to decide on that anytime soon either.
[Truthfully, she'd probably be really worried if someone said they loved her, since it... really didn't end well the last time someone was in love with her. Sure it's fine as a fantasy, but to face it as reality? No thank you.]
General 'you,' of course. [OF COURSE]
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I think you're right-- I know you're right-- but it still feels bad to have nothing to say back to him.
I mean, hypothetically.
It just feels so good to be with him and I don't even mean the sex stuff, but the other stuff, too? Like when he's not with me I kind of wish he was, I keep thinking about his stupid arms and how they're so nice and how one time I put one around myself while we were watching a movie and it felt like...... really really good. I don't even know how to explain it. He keeps kissing me and I swear if I'm not expecting it I get really dizzy and light-headed and my brain stops working for a few minutes, but I want him to keep doing it?
I don't know what that is or why that is and I'm really... scared... to find out.
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It sounds like love to me. Or, at least, a very deep affection.
Love is scary. It really is. But it sounds like what you have is nice. I think you're scared because it's so new.
I have a question. If tomorrow he disappeared, would you miss him, or the things he does for/to you--kissing you, holding you, etc.-- more?
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Because I'd definitely miss him even if it weren't for everything else.
But I know it doesn't really feel the same way with anyone else, even when we do the exact same things? It still feels nice and I like it, but, it's like, there's something special about it when it's him?
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I think if it's special with him, then you're starting to close in on your decision. It's just a matter of taking the final step and admitting it. To yourself, and in time to him.
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I mean... I guess I sort of do. But that wouldn't be fair or even do-able here, you know? I don't even think it's jealousy, but I feel like... maybe I won't be enough on my own?
I guess... I love him, too?
IF this were about someone, I mean!!
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It might. It could just mean it's easier because we're already friends? But I don't think he would have said what he did if that was it...
You know, you should really give yourself more credit, Jen. You're way good at this.
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I may have sneaked reading a couple of romance novels. And I've always been very fond of fairy tales. I think I've read them all, and when I was a child I had many written for me.
I suppose I'm just taking what I know from those? And since I'm a third party it's easier to think about it logically.
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I like to watch it in movies but I just thought that would be it? Just something that happens in movies. Or in romance novels, LOL.
You're right, though, talking to you about it has made it... easier, I guess, to think about how I feel.
Still weird though.
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[Better than holding onto that trauma for 10 years like SOME PEOPLE (Jennifer).
She considers what to say next] Maybe we should go see one of those types of movies?
For research purposes, of course.
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And, you know. Educational!
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It can be a 'Girl's Day' I think they're called?
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Hmm, a girl's night out? Or in our case, probably in?
Either way, no boys allowed.
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But yes, no boys allowed.
I hope you feel a little better now.
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I do. You're a great friend, you know? I probably totally said that before, but it's true. Of all of the things that have happened here so far, meeting you has made putting up with all of their bullshit worth it.
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[There's a bit of a long pause before Jennifer replies again]
Thank you. I've never been told such a thing before. I didn't have any friends before I came here. So in a way, I am a bit grateful to have come here and gotten the opportunity to meet so many kind people. People that I could actually believe myself to be friends with.
I suppose that sounds a little sad, doesn't it?
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I'm sure you'll keep making friends, too. The people you knew before will never know what they were missing.